Facebook Fallacies: Facebook = FAKEbook

This post was originally posted on SDMOMfia, but it always bears repeating...

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Last week I got a call from my best friend from High School. Between kids, work and life we hadn’t had a chance to talk much lately. Yet she knew where I had dinner the night before and saw that Zoe got new shoes. Ahhh, the wonders of Facebook. Keeping us aprised of hundreds of friends, and the minutiae of their lives.

My husband Jason and I put a lot online. Between Facebook, Twitter and our blogs, you can probably piece together what you think our daily lives look like…or can you? See, maintaining an online presence is kinda our job (one that one day we hope will really pay the bills!) and while you may know that we enjoyed our dinner last night, do you really know US? Jason and I have definitive online personas – our personal brands, as we say. And while these personas have stemmed from our “IRL” (in real life) personalities, we choose what we share online, and what we don’t, based on what we want others to know.

As social networks are becoming more the norm in daily lives, I’ve put together a  list of five “Facebook Fallacies” or things to keep in mind while you are online.

1. Facebook = FAKEbook: To be brutally honest here, if you think you know someone based on Facebook status updates, think again. Facebook is all about sharing the best or funniest moments in life. Yes, people also share low-points and frustrations, but I’ll get to that in a moment. Take a look at what your friends are posting. Pictures that have been chosen because they are the most flattering angle and then photoshopped or edited. Check-in’s at fab parties, restaurants or airports as you are jetting off for a week in Hawaii. You never see someone posting that they are Target getting more Monistat for that persistent yeast infection or that they just lost their s*%t on their kids in the middle of Starbucks and spent the last 2 hours locked in their bathroom sobbing. Unless, of course, that person is a…
2. Facebook “Debbie Downer”: We all have a few of them in our lists. The people whose stream of bummer comments makes you want to jump off a bridge. Occasionally noting that your kids have now been sick for 2 weeks and you want to pull out all your hair is one thing, but if every comment you post is negative, people will get sick of you. We will hover our cursor over the right hand corner of a status update and “hide” your stream of negativity. People go through crappy times in their lives; we all have true grief, anger and frustration and it helps to vent it and get virtual support from your network during these times. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m not talking about people that are going through a serious illness, or dealing with the loss of a loved one – those are the people that need you and the people in their lives to help them through and check on them, just like you would do with any friend in a slump. What I’m talking about here are the Debbie Downers, the people that can’t put anything positive up and after reading their updates you literally hear a “sad trombone” in the background. Stop it, because really….
3. No One Really Cares: Sorry, but it’s true. I would guess 95% of what goes up on Facebook is stuff that no one else really cares about. I’m not changing the world with my updates and pictures and if I didn’t put them up people wouldn’t have a gaping hole in their lives. So why are we doing it? For fun, for a laugh,to brag or to share information that we think is useful and interesting to others. Think about the last Facebook posting that you can still remember. I bet it was a link to an interesting article or the outtakes reel from “Bridesmaids” that’s making the rounds. Now there is the 5% of things that people DO care about. That includes births, engagements/weddings, celebrity sightings, really exciting news and huge milestones. And while I know that every other picture I post is one of my adorable children, I know that the only person that really, truly cares about that picture is my mother. And while people that happen to be online when I post it may hit “like” or leave a nice comment, I also know that me posting that picture of Zoe in a crazy tutu is not going to change your lives. And that if  it didn’t happen to be on the top of your news feed at that very moment, you probably would never have even seen it. Unless of course you are a FB stalker. Which brings me to my last two points:
4. Don’t be a stalker… or a lurker: Facebook is modern day voyeurism, a glimpse into the lives of others. Many people are weary of it because of the creepy people out there – just looking, collecting information but never noting they are there. It’s tricky and a fine line. You don’t want to be an over commenter, but never saying anything, just lurking in the shadows.. people, that’s just plain creepy. Comment and Like as you see fit, but being a straight up lurker just isn’t cool.
5. Don’t come in my house and piss on my floor: I think of a person’s Facebook’s page as their personal space. It’s an online spot to share their thoughts and opinions, and I treat it like that. We ALL don’t agree with everyone 100% of the time, but unless someone is asking for my opinion, I don’t really give it. Friendly, spirited  debates are one thing, but raining on someone’s parade is never okay. If someone is thrilled that a particular proposition just got elected into action, that’s not my invitation to spout off – on their page – on why it should have never passed. I save my rants, and snarky comments, for my page, not my friends’ and relatives’.

Last year it was noted that a single tweet only has the lifespan of one hour. After that, the update is pretty much lost. And Facebook’s posts are not much better. In fact, according to AdAge.com, the average Facebook post gets 50% of its comments/likes within the first hour and 20 minutes, and 80% of all comments are made within 7 hours. While it may seem like some people (current company not excluded) are always online, you know that is not always the case. If you have a busy day, there is a great chance that you missed something, someone posted, or they missed yours.

What I’m trying to say here is don’t mistake Facebook friendship for real friendship, and don’t judge a person on their Facebook cover. What’s inside – what people are not sharing online – is what really matters.

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Update: A funny Facebook pic making the rounds that sums it ALL up!

Hurtin' for a Merkin - Is down there hair coming back into style?

Style is a pendulum. You know when a trend swings so heavily in one direction, it's bound to go back to the opposite sooner or later. Take all the NEON we are seeing for Spring. Didn't we all swear off of those hues in 9th grade? Over the past few years, one of the most radical changes we've seen in beauty and female maintenance has been the acceptance of the Brazilian Bikini wax. Once reserved for porn actress or crab infested Victorian-era prostitutes, a hairless (or almost hairless) va-jayjay is now the norm for most women.

While one can argue that modern media and the popularity of Howard Stern, Sex and the City, and The Girls Next Door has brainwashed women into sexifying themselves for male approval, the argument has been made that in our current society, we just don't need pubic hair. And its removal has quickly become a multimillion dollar business industry. When Holly Madison made the comment about the old days of Playboy, "when girls had fur bikinis," women across the country took note. Fashionable, modern women do NOT have hair down there... or at least not a lot.

But now that the thought that less to none is more, is the style going to change? Just like the thickness of eyebrows have switched back and forth over the years, are pubes now going to be all the rage? Some evolutionary experts think that hair that comes with puberty, such as underarm hair, male chest hair and pubic hair, helps secrete pheromones, making one more sexually attractive to others. And while hairless vaginas have been popular - is it because it was considered "naughty" or risque' when women first started doing them? And now that they are the norm, will the hairy beaver make its comeback? Is it like the belly piercing phenomenon? At first it was deemed wild and crazy, then 16 year olds and 50 year olds started getting them and they lost all their appeal.

Ad from American ApparelIf you follow a basic rule of fashion and trends, then yes, bushes will be back.

Take the latest scandalous ad from American Apparel that shows a model's pubic hair through a pair of lace panties. Admit it - when you look at this ad you are shocked. But why? Victoria's Secret shows see-thru lace underwear all the time, but there is neither hide nor hair of, um, well...hide or hair to be seen. If this picture did not have a dark spot where we are (now) used to seeing a flesh tone - would you even think twice about this ad?

What about famed waxer and "real" NY "Housewife" (who's not married and is a working woman, so how she qualified for that title escapes me) Cindy Barshop trying to bring back the merkin? While these are not your 1800s hooker vag toupees, these modern merkins are brightly colored and made of REAL fox fur. Yes. You read that right. She is selling not only the application of bright fox fur and feathers to a woman's cooch (post wax of course, homegirl still needs her bread and butter money) but she is actively promoting this as the next big thing to hit your nether regions. For only $225 the hippest of the hip can now you can now have a Merkin to go with their Birkin.

You can watch the G rated video demonstration of the process here...

The moral of the story is that bald may not be beautiful anymore. And while we (hopefully) will never go as far back as to the unmaintained wild bush woman days, maybe we'll think twice before having it all permanently removed.

What do you think - will pubic hair make a comeback? And are you willing to grow yours out under the guise of fashion?

Getting Techy With It: Facebook Timeline Tips

I actually forget that most people are just getting Timeline on Facebook. When it was first announced, someone leaked a sneaky backdoor way to get it early, so I've been fiddling with it for months. I love the new layout, and I kinda like that I can scroll down and see what people have been up to for the past few years. I also like the creativity that people are putting into making their Facebook page more unique. It's a great way to customize what has traditionally been a pretty vanilla landing page. Whether or not you like or want Timeline, in the next few weeks you will have it. So take a moment to get to know it and have some fun with it. 

Cover Photo

This is your spot to be creative. Use a beautiful landscape picture, find a picture that you think fits the space well, or be creative and make a collage or take a custom picture to use. Remember this is THE image that people are going to see when clicking on your page, so make it something that represents who you are.

The Timeline cover photo size is 850×315 (850px wide and 315px height) - so a panoramic-type picture is best to fit the space. I tried a few different covers before deciding to do a collage from a family photo session last summer. Using Picasa (a free download photo editing tool) I made a collage of a group of pictures in the correct size. I love these pictures of my family, and love that when people see my page they get a great sense of who we are in one shot. 

If you want to use a beautiful image to represent your page, check out www.Fookcover.com. They hand-pick beautiful photos and images that are already sized for Timeline. I love seeing what people are coming up with. For super creative graphic-types this is a chance to shine - using  both your avatar and photo in conjunction to create a cohesive look across the top of your page. 

Privacy

Most of us who are Gen-Xers and older haven't been on Facebook long enough to have embarrassing college moments and now regrettable status updates. But? It's a good thing to do a quick scroll back to make sure you didn't say something incriminating before your parents and in-laws joined Facebook. It's simple to go back to those updates, hover over the left side of the update box until you see the pencil icon, then chose "remove from timeline" or just delete. 

I joined Facebook in June of 2007 - when I was about 4-5 months pregnant with Zoe. What I realized is that Zoe's entire life is documented in Timeline. From her first pictures, to videos of her first words and steps, it's all there. As a mom who always wanted to scrapbook more, I love it! But in 10 years will Zoe like my status updates about potty training or her Target meltdown? While I love to share about my kids, I usually do try to follow the "ten year rule" - in 10 years if they see this information, will they be embarrassed or horrified that I put that online? If so, I rethink what I'm about to say. 

Apps

One of the things that Facebook is touting as a positive feature is the integration of apps to Timeline. While fabulous, remember if you allow a 3rd party app to post things to your Timeline, people are going to learn some things about you that you may not want public - like that you've been listening to an hour-long Nelson marathon on Spotify. 

Changing what people can see is simple, though - just go to  “Account Settings” in the very top right pulldown menu on your profile, then click “Apps” and you’ll be presented with a list of all of the apps that have access to your Timeline. Remove the ones you don’t like or, under “App activity privacy,” change who can and can’t see the content posted by that app.

Stop Complaining and Go with It

Facebook is always going to evolve and change. It will never be the same from year to year. It's technology. It's innovation. It's the future. Don't fight it - embrace it. Learn how to use it to your advantage and to your liking... and if you don't like it, you can always delete your profile. But you know you'll never do that.