As you all know, I've been pretty overwhelmed about things recently. Honestly, these past 8 weeks have been some of the most challenging of my life. There were plenty of days when the exhaustion was so extreme and the hormones were so whacked, that I could almost see how a woman without support and love from friends and family would be able to totally loose her shit. As a few people have said to me "I now know why tigers eat their young."
I never thought that it would be easy, but really I never thought that things would be this hard. But somehow, someway I woke up 8 weeks to the day of having Zoe to feel like something was missing. This weight and dread of the day to come that has been hanging on my shoulders for the past 2 months was gone. Lucas spilled a cup of milk while Zoe was shrieking for the boob and I didn't break into tears. Jason came home from work that night to find us all dressed (in non-sleeping attire!), the house some-what picked-up and dinner made, and me - smiling.
I had heard that 2nd time c-sections take a full 8 weeks to recover from - be it the extra scar tissue, being 3 years older or the whole "the first time you were not chasing around a 3 1/2 year old" reasoning, it did take me exactly 8 weeks to feel like "myself" again.
I'm thrilled to be starting 2008 in a new mindset. To not have to go on an antidepressant that I know I don't like, and to be able to put the end of 2007 behind me and just move on. I'm thrilled to start the new year out no longer being that person anymore. Really, I don't like her, she's hard to live with, and let's face it - she's no fun and she's OH SO BORING.
So, my resolutions for 2008 are ways to make myself feel like a better person. How to stay positive and manage life as a mother of 2. Here are a few of the things I've been thinking of..
1: To "let it go" - My new mantra of not stressing/obsessing over things out of my control and just sitting down and dealing, then letting it go.
2: "Pay it forward" - I'm really going to try to do or say at least ONE nice thing to someone a day. I REALLY want to make an effort to do things like tell Jason how much I love him, tell a stranger that her hair looks good, tell Lucas that he is smart, help someone with something simple. Doing little things for others will make me feel better about myself as a person and hopefully brighten someone else's day even just a little.
3: Work on quieting my mind. This is straight from "Eat, Pray, Love".. this was the part of the book that really intrigued me the most since my mind is always going 5,000 mph. Whether its for 1 minute or 10, I my goal is to be able to shut off when I want to and have that control of my mind.
Those are my 3 main focuses for 2008. But if I happen to lose 20 lbs, stick to a work out schedule, get a fabulous new job or client and breastfeed Zoe until she's one, then all the better!