Tonight I escaped the ravenous jaws of a certain baby girl for a few hours to go to the mall to frantically try and find a professional outfit for the two different interviews that I have this week. Oh, I didn't mention that I may be going back to work? Well, lets just say that I have 2 career amazing opportunities in the pipe right now and what can I say? A Sephora and $200 jean addiction is hard to keep on just one salary. So here we are - suits. I have not bought or even looked at one in about 1.5 years. And it suffices to say that baby + 1.5 years of style changes has rendered the professional attire in my closet useless. So here I am, roaming from store to store trying to find something that I can button over the pudgy post-baby/c-section belly and over the massive milk-filled baby feeders - all while trying not cry.

So I go into one store where I am excited to see a few suits on the sales rack marked down ridiculously low (warning sign! something seriously wrong when jackets are marked down to $29 from $298!). A nice man puts me in the dressing room, and as I'm taking off my pants to try on said cheap-ass suits (foreshadowing!) my phone starts ringing in my bag. I bend over to try and get it, but alas, the phone is lost in the depths of despair in the deepest, darkest corner of my sink-hole of a bag. So I squat down to try and find it. As I'm rummaging in my purse, I knock open my wallet spilling change all over. I start to put it back in my wallet when I realize that my booty is feeling a bit, um, breezy? Its also at this precise moment that I hear two of the sales girls outside the dressing room start to giggle...

I turn around to realize that the dressing room door is one of those that doesn't go down all the way, and that it just so happens that the dressing room I'm in is in full view of the cash register..

Then the guy that put me into the room joins the girls outside and says "What are you two laughing at?" The giggling girls replied "Nothing.. oh, heeheeehee.. nothing.. oh, shhhh!!! Okay.." now whispering.." come here and I will tell you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

It's at this very moment that I realized that they were laughing at my thonged butt squatted down in the dressing room and fully visible under the bottom of the door.. Nice. I stand there trying to figure out HOW THE HELL I'm going to get out of that store. I also notice that the sales people are now "casually conversing" right outside my room. Waiting. Waiting for me to emerge so they can put a face with the dolphin-tatted ass. They are still giggling and whispering. Part of me wants to open the door and say "You know how the bottom of the door is open so that you saw my butt? Well, the open thing works both ways and I can totally hear you talking about me." The other part of me is considering putting my Banana Republic bag over my head and making a dash for the emergency exit. I ended up doing a Paris and putting my phone up to my ear and pretended to be speaking to someone - ANYONE - so to not have to make eye contact with the gigglers.

Gotta love life sometimes. At least I'm always good to keep it interesting. And yes, I add to my embarrassment by posting here for the rest of the world that wasn't in the store to know about. Oh and Hello future employers that may have come across this site after googling me! See, I'm fun! I'm a laugh riot! Hire me and get a good employee not to mention someone that will make you laugh! haha!

....shoot me.