HipMamaB Lit*: 50 Shades of Horrible Writing and Steamy Sex

* Term "Lit" used lightly.

DISCLOSURE: In-Laws and future employers need not read. Also, links may be NSFW networks. 

Years ago, our good friends moved into a new house in a predominantly “gay neighborhood” of San Diego. Once a month, their neighbors who lived at the end of the street and down a long driveway, would have a “party.” You knew it was party night when the lights on the pillars at the end of the driveway would come on, each post proudly displaying a rainbow flag.

We would sit in their old living room, looking out the bay windows as the patrons of the party would file in. One by one. Two by Two. Or even in groups. Always carrying bags with them. Apparently these neighbors were into bondage and other S&M-type activities. One night, a white van pulled up and 6 men jumped out. They then started unloading army-issue size duffle bags onto the sidewalk. They each picked up one or two bags and headed down the long driveway. That night, we looked at each other and all agreed, our brains could not even begin to comprehend what was going on in there. Not passing judgment as much as reeling in the thought there is a whole world of things that we know little to nothing about.

Until now.


It’s been a few weeks since I first heard about the erotic love story Fifty Shades of Grey. Being touted as “Mommy Porn”, people in my mommy circles keep raving about it. Article are being published crediting these books for rekindling marriages and women just can’t seem to get enough. And if there is one thing I can’t pass up, it’s a series of books that everyone’s reading.

I’m just a trend whore when it comes to things like that.

I powered through my Catching Fire re-read (yes, I know) and downloaded the first of the three eBooks, Fifty Shades of Grey, Thursday night and as of last night  (Monday) at midnight, I have now read all three books. They are horribly written. There were so many missed edits and typos that I caught, so I’m sure there were hundreds I didn’t. They were ridiculous. They were repetitive. And? I couldn’t put them down.

It was pathetic. Once I started I couldn’t stop myself. This poorly written story grabbed onto me and I was paralyzed to do anything else until I devoured every last word. My “inner goddess” “flushed” as my “hooded eyes” quickly raced over every word… Oh god. It was a train wreck I just couldn’t pry myself away from gawking at.

So what is the deal with these books? What is it about them that Universal Pictures spent $5 million on opting the movie rights?

 If you’ve read anything about them, you know that they actually stemmed from Twilight Fan Fiction. And just like Twilight made it “okay” for grown women to openly read YA novels, the Fifty Shades series is making it okay for grown women to openly admit to reading erotic content. Since the book, until TODAY, was only available in an electronic format, it made it easy for woman to sit and read it anywhere – like poolside on Easter Sunday or during their daughter’s gymnastic class {admitting to nothing}. And now because of the mainstream attention, we can also openly talk about the books with our girlfriends, husbands and maybe even book clubs (hey, it will be the ONE book everyone will actually read!).

Let’s face it – while the sex scenes are steamy and rather explicit – I think it’s more the theme of the book that causes a woman, mainly a mom, to get wrapped up in the fantasy of it. We’re all getting older and no matter who you are being a mom tests your self-esteem on a regular basis. The hope that while we are self conscious about our hair, our bodies or our clothes that someone else out there thinks we are amazingly beautiful. We cling to the hope that with one look (or lip bite) we can still send our men reeling, making them crazy with desire. And? After all is said and done, after years of marriage, kids, saggy boobs and financial debates, we want to believe in one thing that can heal everything – love.

And then there’s the sex.

As I mentioned above, before this book my mind could never even wrap around some of these things. Maybe it still can’t, but the BDSM was, uhh…. eye opening to say the least.

But let’s be honest here, if you are a big reader, the majority of the intimate scenes in this book are not something new. In fact, being that I’m a huge fan of the Sookie Stackhouse books, I half expected Christian to turn into a vampire or dark angel at any moment. But still, sex is like pizza…

Not that I think that the majority of married woman out there will rush out to get spreader bars (then again, who knows?)… some may be tempted to look into some simple kits to get them started or other adult toys for their own personal “playrooms.” And honestly, I think online sex toy shops like EdenFantasys are going to see a spike in sales of “silver balls” like they’ve never seen before. 

And if you’re a little lost now that you’ve powered through all three books in 4 days {ahem} check out the EdenFantasys book club for some new suggestions.

Laters, baby...

The Naked Reader Book Club


Have you read the Fifty Shades series yet? What did you think? Why did you like them?




*More disclosure: www.edenfantasys.com is compensating me for including the links included in this post. Yes, you can thank me for doing all the research for you in the comments below.