How BAD Reality Television Changes your preception on everything - or - I thought I was having a baby on the toilet.

The other night we went to see Zero Dark Thirty and I ate way too much yummy buttery popcorn. I also had a bit of a headache, but thought it was because my top-knot bun was a little too tight… After staying up until almost 1 AM watching the Season 3 Premier of Downton Abbey (BTW: I say that's THE wedding dress of 2013…) I headed to bed where I continued lay there for god knows how long. 

I my stomach hurt. I couldn't sleep. I was hot. I was cold. Then a certain 5-YO shows up and huddles into bed between Jason and I. I lay there just feeling horrible as I dozed in and out of a light, obnoxious sleep. 

I jerked awake at around 3 AM with a shooting pain in my abdomen. Tripping over the dog as I stumble in the darkness towards the "water closet," I noticed that my flannel PJ bottoms felt almost damp. I don't bother to turn on the lights as I sit there, doubled over in pain. Then it hits me.

OH MY GOD AM I GOING TO HAVE A BABY IN THE TOILET?

I've never watched the show "I didn't know I was pregnant" before, but I've seen the clips of the staged re-enactments on The Soup. It's always the same thing; The woman sitting on the toilet, thinking she just had a stomach ache and BAM! She craps a baby into the toilet.

Those of us who have actually HAD babies recoil in shock. I knew I was pregnant both times before even getting a positive pregnancy test! How does one not KNOW?!

But in the dark, alone at 3 am your mind does crazy things…

Beth: "There is no way you are pregnant. You just had your period."

Beth: "That doesn't mean anything! All those other woman still got their periods! And your's was EARLY last month!"

Beth: "But Jason's been fixed…"

Beth: "That's NOT 100%!"

Beth: "I have been complaining about my bloated stomach for a few months.."

Beth: "SEE?! OH MY GOD, AM I HAVING A BABY IN THE TOILET?!"

Beth: "Oh how embarrassing would this be? I don't want to be THAT GIRL."

Beth: "I can't have another baby… I don't have anything for it.."

Beth: "You are not having a baby…"

Beth: "I never went into labor before.. I don't know! My pants were damp.. did my water break?! What the hell??"

This went on for about 10 minutes. I went on to chastise myself for drinking wine and taking prescription medications. I thought of what my Facebook status would entail to tell the world that I unexpectedly had a baby. I even relieved myself of the guilt I had been harboring due to the Christmas Cookie binge I was on in December. 

Fried and now anxiety ridden, I got back into bed and finally fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up the next morning I was happy to find myself in bed with just a low-grade fever and not an unplanned infant. 

2013: Hopes, Dreams and Goals for the New Year

Looking Back:

2012 was interesting. Not the best of years, not the worst of years. I had great months, I had horrible months. 2012 was just there. 

Looking Forward:

Marking the start of a new year is always a good time to set ideas, goals and thoughts down. As we all know, resolutions are made to be broken - so why bother? Of course I want to lose weight and be healthy and make more money... but I want so much more out of these next 12 months. And while yes I would love to accomplish these things from inside a pair of size 6 skinny jeans, I also don't want to deem the year a failure if come next December I'm the same size. 

I've been trying to organize my thoughts on things I would like for 2013... some are materialistic, some are emotional, some are physical

HOPES:

I hope that by 2013 I've regained my confidence. Somewhere along the last few years I've lost the ability to be happy and proud of myself - I want to get that back. Not just the ability to say "I rock." But the ability to feel it. To look in the mirror without criticism and smile without worrying that there is something in my teeth. 

DREAMS:

I want to go to Italy and Malta. I put this under "dreams" because we have yet to take a BIG international trip with the kids and we've been saying this for YEARS now. But our good friends are over there and we want to see them and I think that by 6 and 9 the kids may be more ready for traveling to, an appreciating, Europe. 

GOALS:

These are the basics. Things I WILL achieve for my sanity:

• Re-do our home office to make it a comfortable, creative space for both Jason and I to work in tandem or alone.
• Organize my "craft closet." Seems simple, but this one is daunting to me... 
• Get more spa treatments (because I deserve it).
• Lose 20 lbs.
• Become Rich and Famous so I can hire someone else to do this all while I travel to Malta on a private jet. HAHA. 

What about you? What do you want to achieve in 2013? 

Thank a Teacher Day... Today 12.17.12

From Julie at www.JulieVerse.com 

In our rushed world, we rarely have an opportunity to show our appreciation for those who spend 6 hours a day with our children. Those who give of their time and brilliant minds to help our own children to stay safe, comfortable, loved and to help them grow.

On Monday, December 17, 2012, take a moment and thank a teacher. 

It's so true. In some cases they know our kids better than we do. Teachers do more than teach - they love and protect our kids. So today, I'm taking a few minutes to just thank them and let them know how much they mean to me. 

Will you?