Would Batman chose paper or plastic?

All the information out there about "going green" and ways to reduce your carbon footprint on the world can be overwhelming. Which, if you were me and residing in my head as of late, would mean that it was just too much to think about and lets just go back to bed. But I do want to help and do something, so I have tried to make small, tiny adjustments like making an effort to turn off lights, using cloth napkins at dinner a few times a week, and buying reusable grocery store bags. I mean, if you shop at Trader Joe's its almost embarrassing now walking out with their paper bags in your cart. But notice I said that they were bought, not used..That's because I keep forgetting them at home or in the trunk of my car. Brilliant, I know.

So today I knew that I needed to make a pitt-stop at TJ's. I made sure the bags were in my trunk and even better, remembered to pull them out and put them in the basket. All while wearing the little on in the Baby Bjorn and making sure the older one doesn't run out into the massive traffic nightmare that is ALL TRADER JOE'S PARKING LOTS. (wth is that? I have NEVER been in a TJ's parking lot that wasn't pure insanity at all times. For those of you full time worker bees who think that it's just because you are forced to go on Saturdays or at 6:00 on Thursday night take heart. 12:00 on Wednesdays is just as bad. A gold mine that place is, a gold mine with massive parking dysfunctions). So no one was run over by the entitled Encinitas hippy folk, and I appeared to have my shit together and organized, so it was a good day.

We head through the store no problem. I remember to buy vanilla extract because we've been out of it for the past 4 months or so and they have my new favorite $3.99 wine and neither Lucas or Zoe have cried once since entering the store. Once again, good day.

We get to the check out and I decide to splurge (they are .99 cents) and buy 2 more of the reusable bags. The 20 something year old behind the counter, rings them up and puts them aside - distracted by Lucas' batman shirt, which I think he secretly wishes came in adult sizes. He started talking Batman to Lucas, then turned to me and asked me if I was going to take him to see the new Batman movie coming out this summer. I politely responded that I think it may be a little to scary for a 4 year old, and made the mistake of commenting on how scary Heath Ledger looks as the Joker. MISTAKE because the guy launches into a 5 minute dork-fest conversation with me, with topics ranging from the history of the Batman comic books and the animated series to an excited explanation about the monsters in the new Cloverfield movie. Thankfully, I listen to Jason go on and on about this stuff just enough that I could add something here and there and feign some interest.

The ironic part of this whole story is that during this diatribe, he starts packing up my groceries..in paper bags.

absence

I feel bad that I haven't posted anything in over a week. I've just hit this roadblock. I wanted to do monthly updates of Zoe, so I started month 2 the other day.. but didn't really like it. I liked part of it, and it's honest and heart felt, but is it what I want to share with the world and with Zoe one day? How honest is too honest and what is too much to share?

So, I'm blocked. I come to post something else, and there is that post, staring me in the face - waiting for a answer on if I'm going to push "publish" or "delete". So, I kinda follow my resolution and "let it go" - but not by dealing with it, but by closing the page and going back to Perez to read more about insane Brit Brit.

Resolutions

As you all know, I've been pretty overwhelmed about things recently. Honestly, these past 8 weeks have been some of the most challenging of my life. There were plenty of days when the exhaustion was so extreme and the hormones were so whacked, that I could almost see how a woman without support and love from friends and family would be able to totally loose her shit.  As a few people have said to me "I now know why tigers eat their young."

I never thought that it would be easy, but really I never thought that things would be this hard.  But somehow, someway I woke up 8 weeks to the day of having Zoe to feel like something was missing. This weight and dread of the day to come that has been hanging on my shoulders for the past 2 months was gone. Lucas spilled a cup of milk while Zoe was shrieking for the boob and I didn't break into tears. Jason came home from work that night to find us all dressed (in non-sleeping attire!), the house some-what picked-up and dinner made, and me - smiling. 

I had heard that 2nd time c-sections take a full 8 weeks to recover from - be it the extra scar tissue, being 3 years older or the whole "the first time you were not chasing around a 3 1/2 year old" reasoning, it did take me exactly 8 weeks to feel like "myself" again.

I'm thrilled to be starting 2008 in a new mindset. To not have to go on an antidepressant that I know I don't like, and to be able to put the end of 2007 behind me and just move on. I'm thrilled to start the new year out no longer being that person anymore. Really, I don't like her, she's hard to live with, and let's face it - she's no fun and she's OH SO BORING.

So, my resolutions for 2008 are ways to make myself feel like a better person. How to stay positive and manage life as a mother of 2. Here are a few of the things I've been thinking of..
1: To "let it go" - My new mantra of not stressing/obsessing over things out of my control and just sitting down and dealing, then letting it go.

2: "Pay it forward" - I'm really going to try to do or say at least ONE nice thing to someone a day. I REALLY want to make an effort to do things like tell Jason how much I love him, tell a stranger that her hair looks good, tell Lucas that he is smart, help someone with something simple. Doing little things for others will make me feel better about myself as a person and hopefully brighten someone else's day even just a little.

3: Work on quieting my mind. This is straight from "Eat, Pray, Love".. this was the part of the book that really intrigued me the most since my mind is always going 5,000 mph. Whether its for 1 minute or 10, I my goal is to be able to shut off when I want to and have that control of my mind.

Those are my 3 main focuses for 2008. But if I happen to lose 20 lbs, stick to a work out schedule, get a fabulous new job or client and breastfeed Zoe until she's one, then all the better!