Last week on our way out the door, Lucas and I went out back to feed Mick when Lucas exclaimed "MOMMY! LOOK! An 'ant-bee'!"
Not being able to really see what he was looking at, I just said, "Well, don't touch it!" and continued on my morning chores. Then I turned around. And right there, blocking the door to the laundry room was the biggest, nastiest, most horrific bug I have personally ever encountered.
WHAT THE F&$K?!
Trying to remain calm in front of Lucas, I kicked it aside and we left the house. From the car I called Jason and told him he must come home immediately and deal with it. I don't think he believed the nastiness of the situation, so I took pictures to email and horrify him with.
See, I'm not sure who's the bigger bug weenie in the house, Jason or I. If we ever walked into our bedroom and a big black spider was perched on our bed, we would grab Lucas and the dog and spend the night at a hotel. Really. You think I jest?
I then became obsessed with figuring out what the hell that bug was, and would it eat through the screen door to get inside to gnaw on my leg or climb inside my ear. See, when I was a child I had an unfortunate accident with a moth who thought a great place to fly into would be MY EAR. The sound of the flapping wings on my eardrum is something that will haunt me until my DYING DAY.
In my search of namethatbug.com and bugothemonth.com, I came across a reference to a beetley looking thing with stripes like a bee - a Potato Bug, or formally known as a Jerusalem cricket. Whatever it is, I am just happy that it was not the alien from Mars I was fearing that it may be but still a tad bit horrified that they like crawl into your shoes and DIE. The mental image of slipping on a shoe, feeling a wiggly crunch, pulling back your foot and having THAT slide out of your shoe is enough to make me only wear flip flops for the rest of my life. And it would be totally justified too. Can't you see being at work, your boss comes over and explains yet again the company's footwear decorum, to which you pull up a picture of this lovely little creature and tell the story of the time one was half dead and stuck in between your toes? Crap, it may be enough to change company dress code. And if not, you could always bombard said Boss with this eCard every 10 minutes until they truly understand the horror of this bug.
So back to the bug.
I managed to push it out the gate and onto the open driveway. I then left for Yoga. Upon my return the monstrosity was GONE. Vanished. Disappeared. That initially freaked me out until Jason pointed out that a bird probably swooped down to gobble it up and even if that's not the case, that's what I'm telling myself.
Unfortunately, since this dreaded day last week, two more of these creatures have showed up at our house. One, my friend Kelly had to dispose of (I pulled the pregnancy card on that one..really, I thought I may puke from the crunching sound it was making as I was trying to scoop it into a bucket to throw outside the gate.) and there is also currently a dead one that Lucas pointed out lodged between my washer and dryer. Guess what? I'm on a laundry strike until Jason gets rid of that one.
Oh, and yeah. The bug man with the very harmful chemicals is coming next week to hopefully ensure that we never see one again.