Spooktacular Sextactular

If you have kids, then you know that the Halloween planning and preparation normally starts sometime around mid-July.  Doing for Halloween what the Toys R Us book of toys did for Christmas, the arrival of the Chasing Fireflies Halloween costume catalogue on July 21 kicked off the unofficial Halloween season at our house. 

Gathering on the couch, the kids and I browsed through the 1000 or so over-priced and elaborate costume options thinking about what we all go as this year. I love nothing more than family themed dress-up, but both of my kids are too adamant about their choices to bend to the desires of the other. After seeing that initial catalog, Lucas is firm on being a warewolf, and Zoe is determined to be "AWICE AND WONDERWAND!!!!" ("Alice in Wonderland", for those who don't speak 2 year old). In fact, I capped the words there to express exactly how excited she is - throwing her hands up in the air and EXCLAIMING her anticipation with as much enthusiasm as a 35 lb body can muster.

The sad part is, both kids want to do family costumes. Lucas suggested that we go as the "Twilight Family" (yea, I know he's 6) and Zoe is insisting that we all morph into the various Wonderland characters. At first she told me that I needed to be "DA QUEEN" then yesterday she asked if I would prefer to be the "Sheses Cat." (Chesire Cat).

Let me set the scene a bit better. Our good friends throw an annual trick or treating party each year. And each year, they go all out. At first us adults wore black and put on a hat to compensate, but honestly, it's FUN to dress up. The kids love it and it's a fun family thing to do. But note the KEY words here - KIDS and FAMILY and TRICK or TREATING.  With that in mind, let's check the internets and see what my costume options are!

Um. Well. Okay. We can immediately rule out at least one of these choices since I'm not A POLE DANCER.

Well, let's check out the Chesire Cat costumes.. I bet they have something that covers a little more skin - I mean, it is a CAT.

Well, maybe slightly better? At least option #1 has sleeves of some sort and option #2 are full tights. Maybe I'll be the mad hatter - or the late rabbit - I know they are male characters, so maybe they won't show both tits AND ass.

Shut the front door.

Really? These are my options? I'm trying to find costumes from a classic children's book and Disney cartoon, not to wear as I strip my way through medical school (because all strippers are just trying to earn some extra money for college - right?).

When did Halloween become less about actually dressing up and all about wearing nothing at all?