These days I call myself an "occasional blogger." Old school blogging isn't doing it much for me anymore, but I still want to write. I love my blog platform, SquareSpace. I've been a user for 7+ years and think its amazing. But I also like some of the new platforms popping up such as Medium and LinkedIn's Pulse. 

I've written a few things over on medium. While I love the pieces that I've drafted, I'm not sure they are HipmamaB or even Beth Estella.. so they are over there... please feel free to join me. 



2015 makes it official. Mid-70’s born babes are turning 40.

On Trust, Acceptance and Love, Actually

Like many other women, Love, Actually is one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s what I consider my ‘stop everything’ movie. Meaning…

5 Days

Our Kawasaki Disease Story




Birthdays Come and Birthdays Go...

But do we cry? Goodness No! - Pete the Cat

And just like that, I'm another year older. 

This year, April 14th officially put me in my late 30's. The "twilight" of the decade. It marks 20 years since I have graduated high school and 20 years since I was proclaimed by the USA that I was officially, and legally, an adult. 

I'm not really old - but I'm no spring chicken. I've had 38 years to grow and mature, learn and be schooled. Forty and the expectations for how wonderful that decade will be (as all the magazines, and Oprah, proclaim these days) is calling me. "You are fully aware of who you are in your 40s.." they claim. 40 is when you really come into yourself. 

So that means I have two more years to make my bullshit thirties count? 

I remember turning 28 and loving it. Feeling mature, yet young. No kids, married, working - sleeping in on weekends and staying up late. Your late twenties are the great equalizer of life. Even the people who still haven't gotten life together, who still act as if they are in college, are fun to hang out. Some people had it together and were reaping the benefits of having a good income. But it didn't matter because you were young!

But 38 is a different story. I am young compared to some. But also feeling the pull of middle age - gravity, hormone changes, the crap part. No longer can I lay on the beach in reckless abandonmnet. Now I'm there in a big hat with 50+ sunscreen all over my body, yelling at my kids to be careful. My world revolves around this tricky game of balance - kids, work, me, marriage, home - a juggling act that can come crashing down at a moments notice. Am I sad or depressed about it? No. But there is a part of me that longs for the days where I had less to juggle on a daily basis.

Then I look ahead 10 years to 48... I'll have an almost 20 year old and a 16 year old! Where will I be? WHO will I be at that point?

I can't even begin to imagine.